Thursday, November 18, 2010
I mull over what to watch tonight while I numb myself into oblivion and pretend life is fabulous and “it’s all about perspective, baby” and whatever else I tell myself while contemplating a wild night on the couch avoiding my phone and email and whatever else is demanding a sane, sober proclamation of “yes, I’m here and I care”. And I click on the TV set… oh, what the heck has happened to bad culture? It used to be abominable, but in ways that made you smile. Now it’s simply hateful. I mean, the thought of rich housewives scandalizing their families on national TV sounds endearing enough, but when you actually plug into reality TV nowadays, their mere humiliation isn’t enough. I want blood. I want to see a Jersey housewife shoot her best friend over a fashion-related faux pas, then hold her snotty teen daughter hostage while snipers assemble outside. I want not to hate my television set.
“Oh, the one with what’s his face!?” I remember YOUNG LADY CHATTERLY 2 and figure I’ll risk getting turned on by Sybil Danning as long as I get to watch Adam West feign indifference and fumble around with a butterfly net while people screw everywhere in plain sight. Then I realize my copy is on video and consider transferring it to dvd-r, but can’t do it tonight because then I can’t rewind when Harlee McBride throws herself at Adam West and he doesn’t seem to notice because he’s too caught up in lecturing about a rare species of butterfly that apparently exists exclusively on her property and he can’t catch because he keeps tripping over couples screwing on her lawn. Damned you, Comcast! I mean, what’s the point of cable anymore?!